“No, I don’t know when they’re coming back. No, I don’t know how to get in touch with them. No, I’m not going to take a message. I’m not an answering service!” Slamming the phone down, I curse the idiot who thought inventing this monstrosity was a good idea. I haven’t had a moment’s peace since all of them just disappeared almost two weeks ago.
Allow me it introduce myself, dear reader. My name is Hermes, emissary and messenger to the Gods. I have a few other titles as well, but Zeus and the others mostly use me to run their little errands. That is infuriating, but that’s a whole different subject that you probably don’t want me to go into right now.
I am guessing you have come to me because you, like everyone else, want to know where the gods/goddesses, muses, and other deities have gone. As you just overheard, I have no idea. Here one minute, then POOF, gone the next. The only thing that anyone around here heard was something about a team building retreat he heard about from a mortal. What a ridiculous notion. They’ve had centuries to work together as a team; they have just chosen to go their separate ways and do their own thing.
Why Zeus thinks that we are needed back here again is beyond me. It seems to me that you people are doing just fine without us. Maybe this is a power play from the big man. Maybe he’s just bored. You never can tell with him.
But, since we’ve been back, things have definitely not been boring. Not everyone is making the transition easily, either. Perhaps I should just tell you what has gone on up to this point with everyone. Let’s start with poor Atë. Out of everyone, she is the one who had the most difficult time adjusting. She was desperate to get the attention of Hades, but he was too busy running his Underworld empire. When a young woman appeared in his waiting room, looking rather…well, I’ll save you the description. Needless to say, Hades knew who she was and how she had ended up in his domain. He went to confront Atë, making it clear that she had to stop or suffer the consequences. Heartbroken at being rejected, she threw herself off the roof of a building, witnessed only by Prometheus, who she had released from his rock in Tartarus. She killed the mortal body, but her spirit is still out there somewhere, waiting for a new host.
Prometheus is trying to adjust to the world. Hades is not happy that Prometheus is on the loose, but hasn’t it made it a priority to get him back, either. So Pro is in hiding right now, trying to figure out what his next move is going to be. Frankly, it wouldn’t be that hard for me to find him, but I understand what he’s going through, so I’m going to leave him in peace for now.
There is a very sexy goddess around named Moxie. Besides Aphrodite, Moxie would be the only one I would ever do absolutely anything for, no questions asked. She, like Atë, look for host bodies in order to do what she wants. I heard that she’s left Ares drooling in her wake, especially when she’s inhabiting redheads. Moxie is a public relations genius, so she’s going to do her best to make us look better to the mortals. Yeah, good luck with that, my dear.
Hephaestus is not on the team building retreat. When Zeus first came up with this cockamamie idea, he dragged Heph into it first, because he needed construction done. He has worked the poor guy to death (not literally, of course. He’s immortal; he can’t die). His relationship with his brother, Ares, was pretty bad, but can you blame him? That whole having an affair with Heph’s wife thing really pissed him off.
Ever since the recall (as I like to refer to it), they seemed to have patched up their differences…until Aphrodite returned. Then it all went to pieces. Heph became jealous again when he found out that Aphrodite had been to see Ares at Wares Security, his new business. He and Ares had a knockdown, drag out fight that was only stopped by Hades. Yes, it’s true that Ares did kiss her, but he rejected her out of some newfound respect for his brother. I’m not sure what Ares is up to, truth be told. He’s trying to be more level-headed, not as quick to lose his temper, and more respectable. Anyway, Ares showed him proof that he had sent Aphrodite away (still can’t believe that one myself). She has tried to work things out with Heph, but he’s not sure what to think. I believe that the sabotage at one of his forges sent him over the edge. He asked Ares for help to find out what was going on, packed his bags, and left. No one knows where he’s at, or when he’ll be back.
His leaving in the middle of a huge construction project made Zeus mad. So he’s put Ares in charge of the forge, as well as finding out who is trying to run the gods and goddesses out of town. Ares is going to be too busy to talk to Aphrodite, so I’m planning to make sure I spend some time with her to…console her, of course. But she may be too busy with her A-Harmony business to spend time with me. Perhaps I should become a client, just so I can be close to her…
Lovely Demeter, goddess of the harvest and of sacred law, is thrilled to be back. She has been reunited with her beautiful daughter, Persephone, and had planned to open a little diner. I’ve always thought she was more of an earth mother; she has so much love to give and loves to cook. I was really looking forward to enjoying her blueberry pies again. But alas, Zeus convinced her to open a law office. I believe that the fight between Ares and Heph was mentioned as one of the reasons. He’s expecting trouble, and wants to be prepared. But she has assured me that blueberry pies will be available upon request. I’m tenth on the list.
Artemis…wild child of the forest. She has gotten a job as a park ranger, but I have heard rumors that she plans to go hunting for a different kind of prey at night. Unfortunately, she still has Sayeh, her dragon. That thing hates me with a passion. Maybe he needs to go spend some time under the sea. Speaking of water, Poseidon is currently running a bar, although I did hear a rumor that some drunken sailor came in one night and told a story about a mermaid and her pearl. Poseidon got seriously pissed off, and it all blew up from there. That poor sap of a sailor never had a chance. Now Poseidon is off on an epic adventure, looking for other pearls.
I think Athena is the one who will stand up for the rights of you mortals. She strongly believes in righting wrongs, which is probably why she revealed some very shocking details about things from the past. Of course, some of the things that your politicians are doing regarding women’s rights are rather shocking to all of us. Athena will be your champion, and she is going to do some serious butt kicking, I have a feeling.
Apollo is still a hopeless romantic, and Erato is still writing his poetry, although now he is teaching your children. That should be a trip and a half. I delivered the summons to Hecate, but she is in some place called Las Vegas right now, and is having a hard time getting here. I checked out that place, and it blew my mind. It looked like one giant bacchanal, with flashing lights, endless food and wine. Dionysus was here for a while, but after I told him about what I had seen in Vegas, he packed up and took off. He always likes to be the life of the party!
Hestia has opened her own restaurant, and the smells that have come from her place have left me drooling. She still has that special touch. I’m going to have to find an excuse to drop by and see her more often. Although eating her food, then having some of Demeter’s blueberry pie, will put me to sleep, and I’m not sure I want to do that, considering Morpheus has turned up. From what I hear, he’s been tormenting people in their dreams already. He’s not one of those you can keep an eye on, but I’m going to try.
I ran into Nemesis at the courthouse when I delivered Zeus’ message to her. She had a gleam in her eyes that I’ve seen before, and that worries me. Maybe I should talk to Ares about having one of his security men keep an eye on her. Perhaps I’ll take her to Nox, a new nightclub that Nyx has opened. Man, the grand opening was a blast! It went over so well that Nyx has gone in search of places to open more clubs. I hope she comes back soon. That goddess can party all night! And you won’t believe who was spinning the tunes…Erebus, aka DJ E! I never imagined him doing something like that, but he’s really good at it. Who knew the old grump had it in him? And if you need a ride to the club, call Selene, the lovely moon goddess. She is the most beautiful chauffeur I have ever seen…just make sure your life insurance is paid up first. She does, as you mortals say, have a need for speed.
One person has turned up I did not expect to see: Dinlas, son of Ares and Aphrodite. He’s brought two she-wolves with him named Jealousy and Hate. Dinlas is out for revenge on his parents, so things could get seriously tense around here. Maybe there will be room for his she-wolves in Circe’s zoo, which she plans on opening in the Olympus Administration building, if he gets arrested. I wonder what Zeus is going to say when he finds out there are wild animals in his building, and I don’t mean the other gods and goddesses, either.
Enchanting Chloris is here, bringing with her the beauty of nature with her. I have spent a few hours in her shop, just inhaling the beautiful fragrances of the flowers she has there. It is definitely a place of peace and quiet. I’m planning to take a bouquet to the eternally sweet Nike, who has just made the move from the comfort of the only home she has ever known to join us at the OA. Don’t tell her this, but I do enjoy having her around. She’s so funny and cute, that she makes me forget about some of the stupidity that goes on around here. But if asked, I’ll deny I ever admitted it.
I’ve saved Zeus and Hera for last. They are together again, well, as together as those two can get. I can tell that they still love each other deeply, and to give Hera credit, she is making a genuine effort to be there for her children. She is working on a book of bedtime stories that she used to tell them when they were little, and they are quite good. But Zeus is so busy trying to orchestrate this little plan of his that I don’t think they’ve spent much time together. They are working well together, though, which is a vast improvement over how it used to be.
Frankly, all of them have changed. Perhaps centuries apart made them grow up and mature a bit. I’m not sure. What I do know is that whatever Zeus has planned, it’s big. Before you ask, no, even I don’t know what he’s cooking up in that pea-brain of his. On the other hand, if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. If I told you, then what reason would you have for coming back every day to see what is going on?
Now get out of my office. I’ve got work to do.