“Come on, don’t be a stick in the mud,” Dianna teased me from the entrance of where we were to have lunch.
“Goddesses do not putt-putt.” My protests were ignored as Dianna tugged at my arm to join her. With a sigh of exasperation, I concede.
“Fine. What do I have to do?”
Dianna’s expression went from shock to horror.
“How have you never played this? Come on. We are going to fix this right now.” Her look of determination was adorable.
Damn it, Athena, stop lusting over her. She is the daughter of your old partner… who was in love with you.
Fuck. Ever since I’d given up the whole virgin goddess thing, I’d had an incurable desire to satisfy my more carnal needs. I finally understood how Pandora felt after being told not to open that damned box. Every opportunity I had, I wanted to open the box and get lost in the pleasures of the mortals. I needed a plan. First, I would finish this silly mortals game. Second, I would find someone to fuck. The second one I may repeat. Who was I kidding? I was insatiable. It would definitely repeat.
“Hello? Earth to Athena,” Dianna called, bringing me out of my lustful thoughts and back to the situation at hand.
“Shouldn’t we be getting some work done?” I asked sternly.
“All work and no play makes Athena a boring and lonely goddess. Come on, stop being so bullheaded.” She was so cute when she tried to be tough, standing up to a goddess.
“Okay, okay. Show me what to do.”
A look of pure glee crossed her face. She must really love this putt-putt. She retrieved two little golf clubs and ushered me to the first area. God, what did I agree to? She put down one of the brightly colored balls on the fake grass and turned to me.
“Okay, so you put the ball down and then just hit it.”
“That’s it? We just hit the balls?”
“Well, yes. But you have to make it through the obstacles and into the hole. It’s harder than it looks and a whole lot more fun.” She turned and whacked the tiny neon ball. It went straight into the dragon’s mouth and out the other side.
“Okay, now your turn.”
I dropped my bright pink little ball on the fake grass. Surely it couldn’t be that hard. I swung and hit the ball, expecting it to go into the dragon’s mouth as it did for Dianna. I was very, very wrong. Instead, my tiny ball of doom flew through the air and took out the dragon’s right eye. The dragon glared disapprovingly at me with its one remaining eye.
A young man ran up to us and looked at the now gaping hole where the not-so-happy dragon once had an eye.
“Um…if I hadn’t seen it, I wouldn’t have believed it.” He stared at the dragon in disbelief.
“I’m sorry. It’s my first time. Does this happen often?”
The young man turned slowly to me and shook his head. “No, ma’am, this is a first for me.”
“Shit. I will pay for the damages.”
He nodded and walked away, presumably to get his manager.
“Maybe putt-putt isn’t your game.” Dianna laughed so hard it looked as if she might fall over.
“I…laughs…can’t…laughs… believe…laughs…you…laughs…broke…laugh snort…” She laughed uncontrollably at both me and her cute little snort. The snort brought my own laughter, and soon we were both laughing like fools. We were still chuckling when the young man returned with his manager in tow.“Ma’am, I understand that you have broken the… What the hell?” She stared at the dragon and Dianna and I stopped laughing. Now we were all staring at it.
“Excuse me, miss…” I looked for her name tag. Karen. Just fucking great.
“Here is my card. Once you have a quote for the damages, send it to my assistant, and I will cover all the repairs.”
“Repairs!? How the hell am I supposed to repair this?” She used a tone that would normally get her knocked out, but I gave her some slack since I did just destroy her property.
“Fine, Karen, send an estimate for a new dragon, and I will replace it.”
“And what am I supposed to do in the meantime?”
“Put a fucking eye patch on him, and he can be a pirate dragon.” My irritation was evident. Dianna, on the other hand, started laughing uncontrollably again.
“Pirate dragon! I love it.” She said in between gasps for air. Karen stormed off, and her tiny henchman followed her. I waited for Dianna to stop laughing.
“I suppose we should go somewhere else?” I asked hopefully.
“Yes. See, Athena, this is why we can’t have nice things,” she teased.
“I have plenty of nice things. Much nicer than this putt-putt.” Dianna laughed at me again as she grabbed my arm and led me out.
“Let’s go get ice cream…unless you foresee breaking that too? I’m just kidding. Come on.” Once again, I followed as she led me to the ice cream parlor next door.
Dianna approached the counter, where a pretty woman was waiting.
“Excuse me, ma’am. I would like two of your impossible banana splits.”
The woman smiled and rang out our orders. I reached for my wallet, and Dianna stopped me.
“I’m buying since you have enough to pay for, with having to buy an entire dragon.” She laughed and handed the woman a credit card. The lady charged her card and raised an eyebrow in question.
“A dragon?” she asked Dianna.
“It’s a long story.”
“I bet it is. I’ll have your splits out soon.”
Dianna retrieved her card and ushered us to an empty table.
“I have had a banana split before.”
“Oh, not like this, you haven’t.” She beamed joyfully at me.
We passed the time not talking about anything important. For the first time in a long time, I felt comfortable just being in the moment. No worries over what dangers or evils of man lay ahead, and no dead bodies or complicated relationships.
I looked up in surprise when the lady from the counter appeared next to our table, holding two ridiculously huge banana splits. There must be four bananas in each dish and tons of ice creams of different colors. Fuge, strawberry, and caramel drizzled over every inch. It was covered in sprinkles, M&Ms, gummy bears, and chocolate chips. A mound of whipped cream and cherries decorated the top of each.
“How in the hells am I going to eat this? I may be a goddess, but I can feel the diabetes radiating off of this thing.”
“If you eat the whole thing, it’s free.” Dianna laughed.
“If I eat the whole thing, I may be dead.”
Dianna laughed harder.
“One day, I am going to eat the whole thing.”
“Oh, so you want to be violently ill?” I joked.
That monstrosity had to be the biggest dessert I had ever seen, and that was saying something. There was no way I was going to be able to eat all of this, I thought as I took my first bite. It was delicious, but it would take four of me to finish it.
“Hey, Athena?” Dianna smiled around a bite of ice cream.
“I can see why my dad loved you so much. You’re amazing.”
“You’re pretty amazing yourself,” I responded.