“Let’s see you get out of this one,” Jealousy said.
“Go ahead and tell her that truth you enjoy so much,” Hatred added.
“Who are you talking to?” the detective repeated.
“Do you really want to know?” I asked, feeling ashamed of appearing crazy in her eyes.
“Yes,” she answered. “I know there’s something more to you, and you are extraordinary. You healed me for the second time, and I remember what happened this time. I know I was shot multiple times, and I could feel myself slipping away. You arrived, and now I feel as though nothing even happened. So, yes, I want to know who you’re talking to and why.”
“Tell her, Din. Tell her, Din. Tell her, Din,” Jealousy repeated.
“Yeah, tell her the truth, Dinlas. Tell her the truth. You’re the god of us. The god of us,” Hatred added, repeating herself over and over along with Jealousy.
My mind clogged up like a traffic jam. All my thoughts and emotions were scattered from fear of what the detective would think of me. Those worries became lost in the constant chatter of my minions, antagonizing me with their disdain for my recent actions.
The detective could tell I was battling my inner demons. She jumped from the couch and rushed to place her warm hands on my face. Her hazel eyes pierced through me, and I felt an overwhelming sense of calm wash over me. Hate’s and Jealousy’s voices dwindled to faint whispers until all I could hear was the sound of my heart beating. That was when I decided to let go, embrace everything I had fought against, and ignore my impulses to stay firm with what felt natural to me.
I felt my eyes twitch and my nostrils flared. She smiled softly at me and pulled my head down so our lips met. The kiss charged me with the force of lightning, and the spark I felt for her in the beginning caught fire, blazing throughout my body like a raging inferno. She pulled away to look at me once again. That’s when I felt something roll down my cheek. My vision blurred, and it was hard to focus. It was as if I were trying to look at her while underwater.
She rubbed my cheek, and I felt the wet smear across my face. They were tears. Why is this happening?
“Thank you, Dinlas,” she said. “You saved my life for the second time, and I don’t know how. I don’t care how or why. All that I care about is that you cared enough to do it. You did the impossible even after I interrogated you, yelled at you, called you names, and accidentally fired a bullet at you. Why?”
“I don’t know,” I answered. “It’s something I feel, something I’ve never felt before, and something I can’t explain.”
“You don’t have to,” she replied. “But tell me about the voices in your head. I know you have them, and I know that’s what you constantly battle internally. You pause and scowl while your eyes focus on things that aren’t there. Normally, I would think you to be crazy, but after what I’ve seen and experienced in your presence, I’m thinking it’s something else. You say you’ve been truthful with me and that you’ve answered all of my questions without lying. So, tell me about the voices.”
“You wouldn’t understand,” I said, looking away from her. My eyes moved to where my minions stood, but they were gone.
“Hey, stay with me,” she said, pulling my face back to hers.
Realizing the two minions I’d had my entire life were gone, left me with an undefinable emptiness. Many new emotions swirled within me, tugging and pulling me in ways I didn’t think were possible. All I ever knew was hate, anger, and jealousy for everything around me. The unknown made me fearful of the next step. I was alone inside, but I had the detective on the outside.
“Do you know what I am?” I asked.
She shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t know how to answer that,” she said.
“Have you ever heard of my name before? While reading anything from school—”
“I hate questions like this,” she groaned. “Just tell me what’s going on. I promise to believe you, no matter what the answer is. I just want to understand what’s going on inside of you and how everything you’ve done for me is possible.”
I cleared my throat, trying to muster the courage to spit it out. The vulnerability I felt was another new feeling that filled me with anxiety, which was another new emotion. My mind danced around the topic, conjuring visions of her laughing in my face, smacking me, or storming off. None of those options brought me any comfort and only poured fuel onto my anxiety. But if I didn’t say anything, I knew one or all of those actions was a possibility.
“For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had two people in my head,” I explained. “They are powerful emotions that power me, and they talk to me. They provide insight and help me see things differently, but they argue with each other and argue with me at times. I’m not crazy. I want you to know that, and I need you to believe that. They are tangible beings I can see, talk to, and touch. They are a part of me, as I am a part of them.”
“What are they saying to you now?” she interjected.
“Nothing,” I answered. “They’ve gone.”
“Yeah, I don’t know why or how to explain it, but they’re gone,” I replied. “I don’t hear them anymore, and I don’t see them.”
“Has that ever happened before?” she asked.
“Once, when I left home,” I answered. “I needed to leave, and I didn’t want them around. My solitude only lasted a few weeks before they caught up with me. Ever since then, I’ve been distracted with familiar things that I no longer want.”
“If it’s what you want, then why are you sad?” she said.
“I’m not sad,” I replied. “I’m afraid.”
“Love,” I muttered.
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