I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. All I can do is think. There is a part of my memory that is still missing. Like a fog, I can’t clear. Once I started to remember my past with Atë and…Eros, I felt most of the fog lift, except for a small chunk. A part of my history is still missing and I am determined to figure it out. It bothers me that I, the muse of History, can’t remember something of my own past.
I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, half-naked. It is 2 a.m. and yet I am not tired. My hair is still wet from the shower I just took, dripping onto my chest and wetting my sports bra. My eyes are red and sore from crying after telling Eros the truth about my feelings. How did I slip up? I never wanted him to know my true feelings because I know where his heart lies.
I push away thoughts of him and focus on the blockage. My hands grip the edge of the porcelain sink as I look in the mirror. I study my eyes and notice that they are beginning to change color. The once pure brown is slowly beginning to show blueish-green spots in the iris. It must be something to do with my memory…
Closing my eyes, I let out a deep breath before searching my mind. The last memory that I recall is of Atë at the library. She had found Eros and myself talking. Then I went to see my mother, but after that, nothing. Had my mother erased a part of my memory and not returned it? I open my eyes, looking at myself again. They glow, but not with their usual brown…they’re a kaleidoscope of colors. What is happening to me?
I focus on the moment with my mother. I need to know what happened.
Suddenly, I’m thrown back into the past. My past.
I wring my hands nervously, pacing back and forth in the courtyard. Today, I am going to tell my mother that I have had enough of her practicing her abilities on me. It is starting to wear me out and I often feel weak. Eros was the first one to notice the difference in my demeanor and convinced me to talk to my mother. Something about him giving me the confidence to do so. I have decided today is the day, and then after this, I will tell him the truth about-
“Dewdrop, on time as usual,” my mother says as she walks up behind me.
I turn to face her, holding out my pendant. She gave it to me when I was little, back when she started the experimentation. In the middle of the pendant is a rose that has vines surrounding it. I hadn’t realized until recently that it represents her control over me. That I can never escape. Well, Mother, this flower is about to break free from your vines.
“Put it back on, Dewdrop. It is to protect you,” she orders, narrowing her eyes at me.
“I am done with this, Mother. I will not be your test subject anymore,” I say, dropping the pendant on the ground and crushing it under my foot. The action gives me a boost of confidence.
She takes a step towards me, glaring. It doesn’t register what is going to happen until I feel the strike against my cheek. It goes numb at first and then I feel sharp tingles. I place my hand on my cheek, turning to look at her.
“I knew that damn little love god was going to be a problem,” she hisses. “No matter…”
I watch as my mother moves the slit in her toga, revealing a dagger strapped to her thigh. She unsheaths it, showing me the deadly metal shimmering in the sunlight. A lump forms in my throat.
“What are you going to do?” I whisper, unable to move. I brace myself to run and get as far away from her as I can.
“Something I should have done weeks ago. As soon as he started to slip his way into your heart,” she says. Blurring, she lunges towards me, my breath escapes me and I feel a sharp pain in the middle of my torso. Out of instinct, I place both hands where it hurts. Warm sticky liquid soaks my toga and stains my hands. Looking down, I see the dagger still in my stomach. My mother presses it deeper as it begins to glow. I look up at her, my eyes watering. Why? Why is she doing this? I look around the courtyard frantically. Eros, where are you?
“You know, Dewdrop. If you had only listened to me, it wouldn’t have come to this,” she purrs. “This is the only way I won’t lose you.”
“W-why?” I mutter. Slowly, I feel myself becoming weaker, my eyelids getting heavier. It is like my soul is being pulled out of me.
“Because, Dewdrop, you belong to me. Now sleep. When you wake up, you will forget all about those friends of yours.”
I collapse to the ground, my vision blurry with stars. The last thing I see is my mother standing over me, smiling.
I am so sorry, Eros…I love you.
I gasp for breath, my hands instantly going to my stomach. I am back in the present. Looking around the bathroom, I find myself sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. My entire body is drenched in sweat and my heart is racing. The fact that my head is pounding must have been from collapsing into the wall during my flashback. I push myself up off the floor, looking into the mirror once more. Gold blood drips from my nose. I grab a cloth, wetting it under the sink before cleaning my face. I would search my mind for more answers, but it aches too much. I must have overexerted myself. Well, I was right about one thing: a chunk of my memories is missing and my mother had something to do with it.